The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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