I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
