I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
