I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
