Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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