It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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