I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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