I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
