If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
