the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
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There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
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The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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