first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
