It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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