you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
