I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
