my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
