Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
