I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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