worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
