This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
40s are totally the cure
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
