I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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