im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
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Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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