the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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