i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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