btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize