And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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