It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
