i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
