nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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