if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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