Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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