at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
