My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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