I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
