it wasn't lemon gatorade
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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