and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize