The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize