just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize