Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
