haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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