You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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