I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I want you more than these girls want KFC
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
