I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Hippo gnu deer
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
