I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
