We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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