I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
