Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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