so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
