you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
