I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
