just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
my liver is dry heaving
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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