Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
