You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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