At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
