Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
