i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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