and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize