Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I am spending my child support on dildos
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
