i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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