Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
