What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
