Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
