i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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