also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
