Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
