I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
