are you so shy because you have an std?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
