sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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