During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
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drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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