We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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