like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
