Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
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I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
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Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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