Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
