is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
