Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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