My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
