Jerry, you need to find god
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
