Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
