I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
