Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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