How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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