bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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