Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
