Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
